So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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