There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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