It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
