Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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