come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Operation Purity has been aborted
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
