i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Sext me about skeletons
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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