I will die if light touches me.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
