Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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