i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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