I checked into jail on foursquare
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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