I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Randomize
