I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
