I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
