At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
