yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
