I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
