I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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