awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
