I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
