Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
YAS. BRING CRAB.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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