We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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