If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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