I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
