Operation Purity has been aborted
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I'd cum for enchiladas.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
