my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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