i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
