when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
