is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
You're earring is so big in my mouth
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
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