I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
