It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
