I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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