I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Randomize
