I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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