Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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