You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
