your room smells of hookers.
And success
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
