I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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