Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize