Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
