My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
