THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
