we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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