i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Randomize
