there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
