NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Enjoy the penises
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
