just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize