ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
