I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
