I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
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