There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
there's paper in my vomit.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
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