I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
