ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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