im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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