I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
