did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
