My brain says no but my pants say off.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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