respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
