i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
