Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
