She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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