i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
You smell like stripper and shame
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize