I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
